if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
