Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
