And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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