My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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