i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
