i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
