So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
