I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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