when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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