so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
