please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you didnt know i had herpes?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
