I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
worst night to have a conscience
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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