Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
