well I can't set my house on fire every night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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