love makes seman taste better
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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