I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
