In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
