and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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