Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
