Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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