there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
