The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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