My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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