U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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