Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
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if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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