then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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