friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We have started to decorate penises.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
