i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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