It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
