Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She's like a pop up book from hell.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
