clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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