White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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