Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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