Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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