Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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