i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
