My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
