Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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