I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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