I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
