OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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