I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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