So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
