please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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