so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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