i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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