Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
