now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
