Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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