Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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