Please, let me fuck your mom
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He? As in you personified your dick?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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