I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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