I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
