$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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