Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
