she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
