Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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