just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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