fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
