i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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