dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Everyone says I win the strip club
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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