Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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