Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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