I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
