Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I love you.
Bad choice
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
