He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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