when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
