My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
