I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
