So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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