Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
