you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
