If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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