I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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