I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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