I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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